InsaneJournal

Current mood:	contemplative
Entry tags:	being a recreationist, being me, heathenry, how i see myself, modernist-recon

What It Means To Be A Recreationist To Me
I have talked a lot about being a recreationist to various friends who are close to me. And I think most people probably wonder what the heck it is that this means exactly to me. Does it mean that I go around trying to wear the garb of times past when I do ritual/blot/faining, for example? Or do I feel driven to learn the language(s)of the cultural sphere(s)I am trying to work within? Do I feel completely bound by the lore, without any latitude for personal interpretation or gnosis? How does one make being a recreationist manifest in your life?

All of these things are valid questions and approaches to being a recreationist and many people do wear the garb of times past when doing ritual whether blot or faining. I do not. I am of the opinion that those who came before us were wearing the garb of their time and it was relevant to them then, it is almost a kind of mummery if we dress up in clothing from times gone by rather than our own time. It is the intent behind the ritual, and the fact that I am reaching out to the same Gods, to my ancestors and to the spirits of the land or occasion that matters most. This is exactly what those who came before us did and this is my way of honoring them. I do not criticize those who need such things to put them in a proper frame of mind however, because it is more the reverence that matters and if such things allow them to approach a rite with reverence and to recreate a moment then this is sacred. Sometimes we use such things to take us beyond the everyday into a consciousness reserved specifically for the occasion.

Honestly I do feel driven to learn the language(s)relevant to my faith, for several reasons: 1) there are texts that I cannot read at this time. 2) it would give me a better understanding of how people thought as languages shape thougts/vice versa. 3)I love languages. I haven't really gotten around to this phase seriously yet, due to lack of instruction(I tried once but things kind of broke down badly)and money for materials. I'm going to make another serious attempt once I move. My first attempt was German but I really wanted to learn Old English/Anglo Saxon and I have a friend who wants to learn it too so we're going to try together.If I can learn that I'll move on to other languages. I'd like to learn most of the relevant if not all the relevant languages over time.

I do not feel bound by the lore in the least, though I feel driven to learn the lore. If one does not know the lore, or have a decent grounding in it then what do you have really? Once you have a good grounding/background in lore I believe there is a lot of latitude for personal interpretation and gnosis. But understanding takes a lot of time. I remember the first several years of my Heathen Career I barely had any knowledge of the Eddas and I was walking around going "yean I've studied" because I'd read books on runes by Edred Thorsson. I only knew one man's opinion I didn't really know anything solid. It takes a lot of work to learn enough to form your own opinions and reach your own conclusions. Now I look back on that time and see how naive` I really was, you should never accept one person's word for anything but study the lore until you know why you're doing what it is you're doing, eventually you'll reach a synthesis point and it will all gel. In times past the Skalds would pass on knowledge and the people would become more from such, that's why they were held in such high esteem, because a learned Skald brought up those within their sphere. Now we have the ability to raise ourselves up if we apply ourselves.

How do I make being a recreationist manifest in my life?It manifests in a variety of ways. I teach(or try to at least)a Rune Study Group once a month barring any emergencies. I also hold a Lore Study Class once a month so that people will be inspired to read the Eddas and the Sagas and raise their consciousness beyond doing a monthly faining or blot. I also try to do a blot to the deity of the day(one for each day of the week)unless there are things which get in my way. And I look at what I do in my life itself. For example, when it comes time for the holidays, I don't just say "oh it's Yule goodie!" then run out to the store and buy some trinkets for folks, I get down and make presents for those who matter in my life. Usually these are very crafty things like soap, or baked goods. It's something that I have to think about and that shows them I care about them. Our ancestors didn't have malls to run out to in times past, and we shouldn't just go run out to them either.

I don't drive. Part of this is due to health considerations(I am epileptic though my seizures have been controlled for years)and I have periodic double vision, so driving would be unwise. But I try to walk most places rather than take the bus unless I absolutely need to. I also believe in working within my community sphere. Up until recently I worked at a local Food Pantry(it shut down). I think that if we work within our communities more we become in rhythm with them and ourselves. This is how things were in times past. I try, to bake and cook a fair amount of my own food which is cheaper and much more rewarding as well. To me all these things are things which help to recreate the spirit of times gone by. It's about details, as much as it is the broad strokes. Many would probably say that I ought to be concentrating more on the Gods, and this might be true, but to me, the Gods and the spirits of the house,land and so forth are all about me all the time. I don't have to talk about it. It is a fact. When I moved into the house I live in now, I did a landtaking. When I move, I will be moving in with a friend so I will be doing a house blessing, probably not a landtaking per se as the house is already his. But I will invite the spirits to work with me, and ask them to bless all my work/efforts which I put forth while I live there. For me this is part of what makes up the fabric of my existence.

I think that being a recreationist is about the people one allows into your life as well. You look to the quality, as opposed to the quantity of friends that you have, because frankly villages of times past were pretty limited in number. They had to be, because resources were more limited, and so I have to look at how much of my personal resources I can actually expend upon others, especially since I am disabled. Over time I have become more and more selective, and I think that this is actually a good thing. It's taken a long time to get where I am but I don't mind. I still have false starts, but I'm winnowing things out more quickly and it's helping. In times past there was a tendency not to be as trusting as we are now, to keep people a bit more at arms length and be more reserved, I think that this is a lesson I need to learn. Hopefully I'll do so without losing the essence of me.

I also try to hold pretty tight to the virtues. Some more than others, such as loyalty,troth,and generosity. But all the virtues are meaningful to me. I see them as a kind of guidelines to sanity at times when I am feeling out of control I think that for someone with bi-polar disorder they can really be helpful.

Being a recreationist does not mean that I have to in any way be part of something that looks archaic or that will become static. For me it means that there is a plethora to learn, and that I will always have a rich tradition to pull from.

Written by Ayla Wolffe(C)2009